Inherent Laws of Retail Plant Sales

Law No. 4: Probables

Part I

The most topsoil and mulch will be sold on days just after a heavy rain.

Part II

The approximate time a customer will "Just set these four flats on the counter while I take a quick look around" will be slightly longer than the time of the mad rush, in which there is never enough counter space.

Part III

When presented with an empty parking lot, a customer may park in a way that does not require the use of the parking space lines painted on the ground.

Next week: The Customer

_

Inherent Laws of Retail Plant Sales

Law No. 3: Customer Inquiries

Part I

The customer would rather ask you how much something costs, than read the sign that's two inches from their hand.

Part II

The customer, on a 53% basis, will want something that doesn't exist (for example, the blue geranium).

Part III

"The ambiguous plant" seeker. This customer identifies a plant with this description: "It's in my neighbors yard. It's sorta large. It's green and has white flowers on it. It's so beautiful. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

Part IV

"Do you work here?" is often asked to employees wearing their garden center uniform.

Next week - The Probables
_

Inherent Laws of Retail Plant Sales

Law No. 2: Senior Citizen Discounts

Part I

Senior citizens always insist on their 10% discount, even on purchases totalling $1.50.

Part II

Senior citizens will ask for their discount after you have checked them out. This can be primarily annoying for garden centers without POS systems.

Next week - Customer Inquiries
_

The Inherent Laws Of Retail Plant Sales

On what might have been the most perfect day in Cleveland for all of 2009, I spent most of it outside enjoying it, raking up leaves at Gali's Garden Center.

Toward the end of the day on Saturday, I came across a Gali's relic - the "Inherent Laws Of Plant Retail." I think its date of origin is unknown (anywhere from 15 to 20 years ago), and if it wasn't for some of the text written in Sharpie, the actual paper these 20 laws/rules were written on would look very pre-Constitution.

I thought the laws would make for an excellent blog post and maybe even a smile or a "ain't that the truth." So, once a week I'll be posting an Inherent Law or two Of Plant Retail.

Law No. 1: "The Fly Theory" and its exception

Consumers will always arrive or leave in hoards to leave the sales force completely panicked or bored.

Exception: The 5 minutes to 6 p.m. stragglers. These customers sneak in just as your about to lock up. They spend 15 minutes browsing, end up complaining about something, and leave without purchasing anything.

Next week - Senior Citizens.
_